zebi365.cc 
affectfeelings
inthesaeaccustodtopractic
ingthecharechniquesdescribedinthisbook,younotonlyappeartobelisteningrenvincinglybutyouactuallydolistenreefficientlyandreerreeffectivelyitsasthoughbygettingyourbodythe“outside”todotherightthings,youprotetherightattitudethe“inside”andtherightchestry
byinrporatingattentivelisteningtechniquesintothepo
yourlife,thepayoffisnotonlythatyouappeartobeaninvolvedandcaringlistener,butthatyoucanactuallybeeaninvolvedandcaringlistener,o
bechrereheother
peopleinyourlife
yourtoolsforchagothers
”fakeituntilyoukeit”thenexttiyouaretalkingtoanyone,inbusinessorsocially,actasifthatotherpersonelyfascinatinghangoneverywordleanforwardontthatthis
personisgoingtogiveyoualliondollarsifhelikesyouactacrdingly
innotiatall,youerestedin
theotherperson,andbysogicalchestry,thisindividualoshareobservationsandinsightsthat
ysurpriseanddelightyounylifelongfriendshipshavestartedthisway
chapter24
yousayand
ho
anscharacterisrevealedbyhisspeech
nander
thefirststeptoingapletelychag
personistobeeagreatlistenersooneror
later,though,itutospeakyousay
andhoareessentialingredientsinyourabilitytochadpersuadeothers
83
thepo
rononspeaking
ihaveadelightfuloldfriend,cecils,asuccessfultheaterdireanyyearsiactedinseveralofhisproductionsheost
etheepitozedalltheelents
ofcharhattenaboutinthisbook
ostiressedabouthiewayhe
tuedeveryteredintoasho,
nent,andcaringhehadplenty
ofopinionsofhisoanystrongones,butthey
nicatedhrespectasan
exchangeofideas,notaspetition
anessentialspeakingskill
thereareseveralskillsyouisyourtu
tospeak,andtheyllbeveredoverseveralchaptersletsstartagainadifferentangle
tigazineonediaanddid
thefirstjorintervieikhailgorbachev,thethenvisitingrussianpresidenthisabilitytonicateicand
politiajorreasonsheascended
tothepresidenunication
skillsereporterwho
eetingpresident
gorbachevarehiseyes,theirintensity,theirdirectness,andtheirpower”
feacthisskillis
yousayandho
thepeople
therulesusedforeyentact
froherulesusedeningwhen
youreinaoneononenversationhanotherperson,lookattheotherpersonseyesnorethan85percentofthetiintainingeyentactalltheticreatestoochpressureucheyentact,youvirtually
pintheotherpersontotheing,
youeacrossastoointense
hoeoneistalkingtoyouand
nevertakeshereyesoffyouitcanbeintidatingandeventhreateningnoticetheoviesuse
thatkindofunyieldingeyentactheyspeak
yourgazefroersontoperson,gently,onepersonatatiuseyoureyentacttoreachoutandincludepeopleininto
thenversationeveryoneyouaretalkingtoshouldfeelthepothandattention
yourtoolsforchagothers
keapointofpracticinggoodeyentacthanyoneyoutalktobesureyoudontoverdoitlookattheotherpersonseyesnorethan75percentto85percentoftheti,otheringoverbearinglookdeep
intothepersonseyesratherthansuperficiallyitsadefinitivewayofsaying,“iseeyou”
chapter25
thelookaside
speeanspeaks,soishe
publiussyrus
heonedoingthetalking,thelookaside
isaponicationtechniqueit
isacasualglancetoonesideortheotherofthelistenershead,ontarilyredirethe
personseyestothesideoftheface
lookasidesshouldbedonecasuallyandinterttentlyneverlookabovethelistenershead,becausethatwillnvineone
distractingyoufrequentlooksbelohelistenerseyestobelievetheyghthavefoodontheirface
orgravyontheireanttogive
youtheopportunitytolookatotherthingsorpeople;86
thelookaside
rather,theyaretheretoreleasethelistenerfrooochintensityingfroouinoneononenversations,theyareessential
yourtoolsforchagothers
thenexttiyourespeakingeoneforanyperiod
ofti,practiceshiftingyourgazetohisrightorleftear,andthenbaouthandeyes
kesureyourlookasidesareshort,neverforrethanthreesends;otherracted
reerthatyourobjectiveistointaingoodeyentactakingtheotherpersonunfortable
chapter26
theartof
speakingslowly
thinkbeforeyouspeak,pronounperfectly,
norbringoutyouroohastily,butorderlyanddistinctlygeorgeon
nypeople,beentoervousness,
speaktoofastandlistentoolittlepeople
oofastcanbebothfrustratingandirritatinghaveyoueverbeenstuckinatrafficjaily
beetounderstand
thetrafficreporterontheradiosaidnearp
hataccident,andhealteativerouteif
onlythesereportersdidntspeaksofasttheyareprofessionalsdonttheyknosdifficulttoabsorbalotof
88
theartofspeakingslowly
infortionsoquickly
